Coming Home Chapter 29
MAKENZIE
I stopped long enough to pick up Ainsley from the shop and tell Gloria I needed to leave for a few days. We were on the very next ferry off the island. I drove on autopilot, not sure where I was going at first, I just needed to get away from the island and the men on it.
I felt like a fool having fallen for Holden a second time. I didn’t know where else I could go, or what I was really doing. I needed someplace to hide and lick my wounds while I figured everything out. I pulled up to my childhood home in upstate New York by dinner time.
Mom was out the door and by the van before I had even had a chance to call and let her know we would be there. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around me and let me cry. I didn't indulge myself for long, because I didn’t want to worry Ainsley.
“How's my best girl?” Mom asked as she opened the side door and began unbuckling her granddaughter.
I wiped my eyes, put on a fake smile, and followed them inside. I didn't talk about why I was at home suddenly, without warning, without luggage. Mom showed great restraint and didn't ask me any questions until after we got Ainsley put to bed for the night.
“Okay, honey, you want to tell me what's going on? You didn't drive all this way because of a little teasing from your brother?"
Isat in the kitchen while Mom washed dishes. She never let anyone else clean her kitchen. No one ever did it to her standards, so we learned to stay out of her way.
“If you defend Travis, I'll wake Ainsley up and go to a hotel” I didn't hide the bitterness in my voice.
“You know he does those things to get a rise out of you."
“No Mom, he doesn’t. Maybe when he was a kid, but he still does it. My emotions are not for his entertainment. Maybe coming here was a bad idea. You never defended me against him."
“What for? Your brother was showing a little sibling rivalry.”
“He tried to get me 50 angry with you that I stopped talking to you, and you want to brush that off as sibling rivalry?” I folde; my arms on the table and did my best to bury my head. I came home for support, instead, I was having to fight Travis all ove again, and he wasn't even here.
“I think you need to leave it, Jennifer, Dad said.Content is property © NôvelDrama.Org.
Ifelt his big warm hand on the back of my neck. He squeezed, providing some much-needed non-verbal support.
“Travis has always been hard on her. Maybe too hard.”
“You know how boys are”
“I do, I was one once. I also know how men are, and Travis is acting like a child."
“Fine, I'll drop it. Mak, as long as you're home, I need you to help me clean out a few things tomorrow.”
I lifted my head and wearily looked at her. That was Mom, conscripting me to do work the second I was home. I nodded and put my head back down.
“Go to bed, kiddo,” Dad said. “You've had a hard day."
He could tell, and I really hadn't said much more than I was sick of Travis. They didn’t even know my situation with Holden and how that felt like an anchor tied to my feet dragging me down, while Travis kept stepping on my fingers, not letting me pull myself up.
The next morning, I woke up feeling woozy. I stumbled my way down to the kitchen, following the alluring aroma of fresh coffee. Mom already had Ainsley dressed and eating breakfast.
I kissed my daughter on top of her head and poured myself some of the delicious coffee.
“I need your help going through some boxes we pulled out of Travis's old room.”
“Mom,” I whined.
“No, it's perfect for you. “You don't have an emotional attachment to his belongings. You'll have detached objectivity when i comes to what we should keep and box up for him, or what to toss.”
“It's Travis's crap, make him do it”
“It's not much stuff. You can do it while you're here. You didn't mention last night how long you were staying."
“I don't know yet. Only a few days. I can't leave Gloria with the store all by herself, that wouldn't be fair."
I00k a long sniff of the coffee, it smelled... suddenly I was gagging. The coffee was rank. I pinched my lips together and ran for the downstairs bathroom. I wretched, even though there wasn't anything in my stomach to come back up.
While rinsing my face, I tried to remember the last time I had felt sick like this. I let out a small manic laugh. Almost four years ago exactly. It had been summer then too. I hurried to the kitchen and told Mom I needed to run to the drug store. She nodded with understanding. “That time of the month?”
“Yeah,” I laughed nervously.
As I threw on the clothes, I had worn the day before. I tried to remember the last “time of the month’ I had. I sat on my bed i shock. It had been before that night on the yacht, and that was over a month ago.
Iscrambled for my keys and raced out the door to buy a pregnancy test. I couldn't believe this. The first time I had been wit} aman in four years, and I got pregnant again. But we had used a condom. Condoms failed occasionally; Ainsley was proof of that.
Holden wasn't going to believe this. Hell, I had him convinced that Ainsley wasn't his, even though he had figured it out. Noy I was going to have to prove to him that this one was his too. What kind of a mess had I gotten myself into?
Iswept through the drug store and bought the test I needed. I used their restroom to take the test, too impatient to drive home. I danced anxiously as I waited for the lines to appear confirming what my body was telling me.
Congratulations Makenzie, you let Holden knock you up again. It wasn't as if I could keep the father a secret a second time. Not that I had ever wanted to do that the first time. It just sorts of happened.
I drove home in a haze of confusion.
“All better? Here, can you sort through this mess?” Mom wasted no time and as soon as I got home, she had me going through my brother's belongings.
I didn’t know what to do with half of the things, while the rest of the stuff was obviously for the trash bin. I folded all of his old concert shirts, thinking he would want those, while other random articles of clothing I put in a pile for donating. While I worked my thoughts bounced back and forth between extremes.
I couldn't help but feel like Mom was setting me up for Travis to hate me even more. She wouldn't have to deflect the blame for cleaning from herself onto me, Travis would do so naturally. I wanted to be done with him, and never have to speak with him again. I also knew that wasn't a reality with this family.
The other extreme my thoughts got lost in was Holden and that look of hurt anger on his face. I couldn't help but wallow in self-pity. He had hated me at that moment, believed that I had slept with someone else after he left for the Army. I could have avoided everything if I had simply admitted that Ainsley was his the second, he confronted me with it. I couldn't redo the past. How did I fix the future?
I opened a shoebox full of old letters. I hesitated for a second before tossing the whole thing into the keep pile. I never figured Travis for a romantic, keeping old letters. Curiosity got the best of me, and I pulled one of the letters out.
Ihad to reread the address several times. It was addressed to me. I flipped the envelope over to see if I recognized the return address written on the back. It was a weird APO Box number. No, this couldn't be. I looked at the cancellation date on the stamp. It had been mailed almost four years ago.
I riffled through the rest of the box. Almost all of the letters were to me, here at the house. I had never seen any of these. My blood ran cold when I picked up the next envelope. That was my handwriting, and it was addressed to Holden.
“What the fuck?”
Iflipped one of the envelopes addressed to me over. The address I used for Holden looked remarkably similar. But not quite The one Travis had given to me, saying Holden wanted me to write to him, was “Wells APO” with a New York, NY destination. hadn't thought anything of it at the time. Travis had told me Army addresses were different, that APO meant Army Post Office. In my grief, I had trusted him.
Itore into one of the letters addressed to me and began reading. I covered my mouth and sobbed. Holden had written to me had loved me, had been as hurt as I was that I wasn't returning his letters.