Teacher's Girl (Aflyingwhale)

Chapter 52: Good Riddance 

EMMA’s POV :

lan was standing at the door.He looked tired, disheveled, and there was this sadness in his eyes.But he was still my lan.

I was so relieved to see him in front of me.The moment I saw him standing there, my heart was doing backflips and I wished I could jump out of this bed and hug him.But I was still too weak, so all I could do was smile at him.

"Hey, "I said softly.

"Hi,"he moved closer and closed the door behind him.

"How are you feeling—"

"I've missed you," I cut him off quickly.

I missed him so much, I couldn't hold it in anymore.I was so happy to see him, but then I also felt super self- conscious.I had been sitting in this hospital bed for a week.

Sure, I took a shower and all, but I probably looked terrible.I still had scars and bruises all over my face and body from the accident.As if he knew what I was thinking about, that sadness in his eyes was showing again.He put his gaze down as if he was in pain and stalked closer to the bed.

When he reached the side of my bed, he stopped and looked up at me.His eyes were glistening.

"I missed you too,"he paused for a moment and his hand reached for my face.

I leaned my face to the palm of his hand and he squeezed my cheek gently.He then took a deep breath and said, "I’m so sorry.I’m so sorry for everything,"

"No, I’m the one who should apologize..." I shook my head slowly.

My voice cracked when I spoke because I saw how broken he was.

All this time I was thinking about myself and my own feelings, I had forgotten that lan was hurting too.

"Why are you apologizing?"he said softly.

"Because...Because I was selfish and immature.I didn’t handle the situation right.I was confused and I just shut you out...and then I did something very reckless and stupid and I..."I could stop the tears from streaming down my face as I said, "I lost our baby...I'm really sorry,"

I was full on sobbing at this point and lan grabbed me and pulled me into his chest.He held onto me tightly as I cried into his shirt.

"It's not your fault, Emma.It's okay,"

he cooed me and stroked the back of my head.

"It is my fault.It’s all my fault.I messed everything up..."

my voice was muffled because I buried face into his chest.

"No, you don't,"

"Yes, I did,"

"No, look, you’re here and you're okay.That's all that matters,"he said as he tilted my face up.

He stared at me with this look of deep longing, and I thought he was going to kiss me.But instead, he leaned his forehead down and rested it against mine.He breathed me in and I breathed him in, and we just stayed like that for a while.

"I was so scared I was gonna lose you,"he whispered.

"You're never gonna lose me," I said as I gripped the back of his head.

I was leaning my face forward and pulling him in for a kiss, our lips almost touched, but then he pulled away quickly.

"lan?"

"You look really tired.I think I should let you rest for a while,"he said nervously.

"No, I’m fine," I said reassuringly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah...I mean, I still feel really weak, but I'm feeling much better now that you're here,"

A small smile curved up his lips.

He took my hand in his and squeezed it gently, saying, "That's good,"

There was something in the air, something different about him that I couldn’t put my finger around it.

He could barely keep eye contact with me and he threw his gaze down again, staring at my hand instead.

His thumb ran circles on the back of my hand and it was a soothing gesture, but somehow it felt...off.

"lan,"

I said slowly.

"Yeah?"

"What's gonna happen to us now?"

He took a deep breath and let out a smile, saying, "Well, your body's gonna recover.Things might be hard at first but you're the strongest girl I know.You'll make it through.You'll be back at school in no time, cheerleading or swimming, and hanging out with your friends.You'll hear from colleges soon and then you'll go to college in the fall,"

I said ‘us’, but he only replied with ‘you’.He said all those nice things about me, but he didn’t say anything about us together.

"Then I'll go to college in the fall with you, right?"I asked cautiously.

"Just like we planned,"The smile on his face turned to a flat line.

He swallowed hard and turned his face away again, avoiding my eyes.

"Emma..."he started.

"What?"

"I don’t think we should do this anymore,"

Those words caught me by surprise.

For a second I thought I wasn’t hearing him right, but that look on his face was clear as day.He was serious about what he was saying.

“What do you mean?"

"I think we have to stop.This has gotten way, way too far," he paused for a moment and let out a sigh,

"We don’t know what we're doing.We're way in over our heads,What was he saying? Why was he saying all this? Where did this come from? "Are you breaking up with me?"

I croaked,

"What, after everything that we’ve been through?"

"Emma, I’m not good for you,"

he looked up to me as he said it, and he was pulling his hand away, but I held onto it tightly.

"What are you talking about? I love you.And okay, what happened was terrible, but like you said, I’m still here.We can work through this,"I pleaded.

Whatever it was that was making him act this way, I was determined to snap him out of it.We belong together, we were perfect for each other.It was no use trying to deny it.

"Emma, I don’t think you realize the gravity of the situation here," he pulled his hand away forcefully and raked his hair with his hands in frustration.

"What situation?" I snapped back.

"Look at you! You almost died!" he stood up and yelled, pointing out the fact that we were sitting on a hospital bed with my arm all hooked up to an IV bag.

"You almost gave up your entire life and future for me.I can't let that happen!" his breaths were ragged, but he was trying his best to pull his composure.

When he finally did, his voice turned back to normal and he said, "I love you, Emma.I do.I always have and I always will.But my being with you is far too destructive, for you and for me.I can't do that anymore,"

"So what? You're just gonna give up on us?"I asked in disbelief.

"I think it's best if we take some time apart to figure everything out,"he said firmly.

"Figure what out? We've gone through this.We've got our future all planned up.I’m gonna go to college on the east coast and you'll be there —"

"What if I won't be there?"he cut me off sharply. NôvelD(ram)a.ôrg owns this content.

"What if I don’t get that job and I have to stay here?"

"Fine, I can stay here too.I'll go to college in the state —"

"No!"He cut me off again.

"Don’t you see? That's the problem!"

"What's the problem?"

"We can't base our life decisions off of each other.That's not right.You have to do what’s best for you and I have to do what's best for me.I can’t hold you back and I can’t let you..."

"You can’t let me what? Hold you back?" I spat when he couldn't finish his sentence.

"I can’t let you throw your life away from me,"he replied sternly.

"But, I’m not throwing my life away..." I paused and let out a deep sigh, "lan, you're my whole life,"

"And that’s the problem right there,"he stated again.

"What are you talking about?"

"Emma, all of this...it was too much too fast.Just a week ago, you told me you were pregnant.Then I thought we decided to get rid of the baby.But the next day you called me and said you can’t do it.And then I looked for you all over town and I couldn't find you, and then your friends called me and told me you were in an accident.Like, what the actual fuck?"he took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling, he was holding back tears as he said,

"That's too fuckin’ much,"

"But okay..I lost the baby, okay? I’m not pregnant anymore.You got your wish.Why can’t we just go back to the way things were?"

I was trying my best to hold on to whatever that was left here, but I guess I was holding on too much.

"You think I wished for this happen? Is that what you think of me?"he spat bitterly.

"No, I didn’t mean it that way,"I shook my head quickly, but it didn’t matter.

His gaze turned cold as he said, "But you did,"

"lan..."I tried to reach for his hand but he moved away abruptly.

"What if something like this happens again? Things just can't go back to the way they were anymore, Emma.We've been through too damn much,"

He wouldn't let me touch him.He wouldn't even look at me.I was losing him, or maybe I already did.He had decided on this the moment he stepped into the room.It felt like my heart was being ripped apart and torn to pieces.I was so happy minutes ago and now I just wanted to die.

"So that’s it? This the end...?"I said, choking back the tears.

He didn’t say anything for the longest time.

He turned his whole body around so all I could see was his back.

His body moved up and down as he tried to calm his ragged breaths.

Then I heard what sounded like sniffling and his hand reached for his eyes and was wiping his tears away.

I had never seen a man cry in front of me before.

My heart was not only broken, it was crushed totally.

If it was smashed into pieces before, it was pulverized into nothing but fine dust now.

"Please don't leave me,"

I said through my tears.

I wanted to reach for him again, but I was so afraid he’d push me away.

I didn’t think my poor heart couldn't handle any more rejection.

"I have to,"he said slowly.

"No, you don't,"

I shook my head even though he couldn't see it.

"One day you'll wake up and you'll realize that this was the best decision for us,"

"No, I don’t think I will," I insisted.

"In time you'll see.I know you don't like this and it’s gonna hurt at first, but trust me..."

"No..."

And finally, he turned back to see me.His eyes were red and glassy.His lips were shaking as he said, "I'm sorry, Emma.You made your choice, and this is the choice I’m making,"

I was not prepared to hear or see that.It was the saddest, most horrible moment of my life.

Through my blurry eyes, I saw lan coming towards me and he pulled me into a hug.

I held onto him so tight, like I was holding on for dear life.

"No matter what you think of me, I will always love you, baby girl,"

"lan, please don’t go..."I gripped onto his shirt so tight, I might have ripped it.

He held my hands together and pulled it gently away from him.

Then he leaned his forehead down again and said , "Whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same,"

I was all out of energy.I could barely stand on my own two feet.I wished I had held onto him tighter, because the next thing I knew, he let go of my hands and pulled away completely.

Before I could say anything else, he turned his back and disappeared out the door.

My knees fell on the floor almost instantly.I had never felt more empty and hopeless in my life.Seconds later, my friends came barging in through the door.

They gasped in terror as they saw me on the floor.

"Emma?"

"Emma, what happened?"

I looked up at them and all I could do was shake and cry uncontrollably.

Everything went dark after that.

I remembered feeling like I just wanted to die.

The car crash or even losing the baby, all of that didn’t hurt as much as this.

Oh God, I just wanted to die.